


How I Spent My Summer Vacation

by JoMarch



Series: Exit Strategy [29]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2104725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoMarch/pseuds/JoMarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the middle of a political scandal, you don't actually get a vacation.  So this is what Donna did instead.  Sequel to <i>Exit Strategy:  After.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	How I Spent My Summer Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: You know, I fell asleep with this really witty disclaimer in my head. Honestly. It was hysterical. However, I can't remember it now. I'm sure this sort of thing never happens to Aaron Sorkin, to whom these characters belong. Except for Adira Lyman, who is the exclusive property of the Jo & Ryo Collective.  
> Spoilers: Pretty much everything through _Two Cathedrals._  
>  Thanks: Must I spell it out yet again? To Ryo and Morgan, who did not ask me what I was smoking when I emailed this to them. Also special thanks to the one hundred (I _still_ cannot wrap my head around that) members of the Jo  & Ryo Update list; consider this one a present, people. Or a gag gift, for those of you with discriminating literary tastes.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation  
by Donnatella Viridis Moss

1\. Packed five t-shirts, seven pairs of boxers, two shirts, three pairs of Levis, one suit jacket, an electric razor, a green toothbrush and a battered copy of "The Elegant Universe"--all property of Joshua Mateusz Lyman, Esquire--into a discreet workout bag.

2\. Took workout bag to office.

3\. Informed Bonnie and Ginger, who happened to see me come in, that I was joining a health club.

4\. Spent lunch hour searching for an affordable health club. Joined same.

5\. Transferred contents of workout bag into Josh's backpack.

6\. Endured three minutes of decidedly unfunny Mata Hari jokes from Joshua Mateusz Lyman, Esquire.

7\. Went home alone. Took bubblebath to relax. Alone. Cried. Also alone.

8\. Reviewed computer files of Josh's schedule for the last year. Deleted all references to individuals named Stanley.

9\. Searched files for all paper copies of the schedules mentioned above.

10\. Placed files in discreet workout bag.

11\. Did not tell Josh.

12\. Spent three minutes telling myself decidedly unfunny Boris and Natasha jokes to compensate for not telling Josh.

13\. Went home. Again alone. Lit candles. Drank a refreshing bottle of wine while burning all paper copies of Josh's schedule with references to Stanley and to Stanley.

14\. Wondered why all Josh's therapists are named Stanley.

15\. Worried about what would happen to Josh if he needed Stanley's (or Stanley's) help in the near future.

16\. Cried some more.

17\. Replaced the paper copies I destroyed with new paper copies of the revised, Stanley-free schedule. Filed same.

18\. Cleared time on Josh's schedule so he could spend the weekend in Connecticut explaining to his mother about the change in wedding plans. 

19\. Went grocery shopping. Bought Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. Also Kleenex. Spent forty minutes in checkout aisle. Read cover story in the _Star_ : "Bartlet's Doctor Spills Details of Prez's Near-Fatal Health Scare." Realized story consisted of out-of-context quotes from doctors who treated the President after Rosslyn. Counted three references to Josh.

20\. Went home. Watched _Dateline._ Listened to recitation of facts and innuendo about the "scandal-plagued Bartlet administration."

21\. Received phone call from Josh in Connecticut. Conversation mostly work-related except for the part where he said his mother told him to say she loves me like a daughter.

22\. Tried not to cry while on phone with Josh.

23\. Failed miserably.

24\. Went to bed early. Pillowcase smells like Josh.

25\. Got up early to do laundry. Washed sheets and pillowcase.

26\. Took online quiz: "Are You Paranoid, Or Is Someone Really Out to Get You?"

27\. Discovered that, according to the quiz, I am not paranoid. Felt no sense of relief.

28\. Had first meeting with my new lawyer. Answered all questions about my level of knowledge regarding the President's health truthfully. Was also truthful when answering questions about my working relationship with Josh.   
Was asked about my personal relationship with Josh. Remembered that I'm not paranoid.

29\. Lied to my new lawyer.

30\. Watched process server deliver Josh's subpoena five minutes after Josh arrived back in the West Wing.

31\. Told Josh I was taking an early lunch.

32\. Went to Starbucks.

33\. Brought back coffee. Gave coffee to Josh. Resumed work.

34\. Went home. Alone. Spent evening concentrating on the way Josh's hand rested on mine when he took the coffee.

35\. Cried.

36\. Ran into Jamie, who lives in the apartment below mine, during early morning aerobics class at my new health club. Jamie hinted that her boyfriend's roommate wants to meet me.

37\. Politely but firmly indicated my lack of interest.

38\. Watched Josh return from meeting with his lawyer. Noticed that Josh is paler than usual and that he may be losing weight.

39\. Tried not to notice how Josh wouldn't look at me after talking to his lawyer. Worried about what that meant.

40\. Went home. Returned phone call from my mother. Refused to quit my job and move back to Madison before I drag the good name of Moss through the mud.

41\. Resisted the urge to call Josh in order to hear him do the inevitable (and decidedly unfunny) jokes about muddy moss.

42\. Went to Barnes and Noble during lunch. Bought books on history of impeachment. Decided history is much scarier than Stephen King. Especially if you're living it.

43\. Researched background of newly appointed special prosecutor.

44\. Agreed with results of online quiz: No way am I being paranoid.

45\. Researched details of political scandals from 1980s and 1990s. Came across name "Donna Rice." Discovered pictures of Donna Rice.

46\. Considered the wisdom of dying my hair brown. Possibly cutting it.

47\. Decided against changing my hair style because a) there are plenty of pictures of blonde me anyway and b) Josh likes my hair the way it is.

48\. Kicked myself for deciding against changing hair style primarily on basis of "b) Josh likes my hair this way."

49\. Went home to discover phone messages from the _National Enquirer, Larry King Live_ and _60 Minutes II,_ all asking for interviews.

50\. Panicked for five minutes.

51\. Called CJ, who told me not to panic (and not to return the calls). CJ says all the assistants are getting these calls; she'll handle it.

52\. After careful consideration, called Josh to share news about the phone calls. Endured three minutes of decidedly unfunny jokes about my chances of getting a book contract if I'd spill "the really juicy stuff."

53\. Told Mr. "I Was A Fulbright Scholar" that he's too stupid to be allowed to talk in public.

54\. Hung up on Josh.

55\. Prayed that my phone isn't tapped.

56\. Reconsidered the "I'm not paranoid" thing.

57\. Spent night pondering next step and ignoring repeated apologies from Josh on my answering machine.

58\. Erased incriminating messages on my answering machine, even though leaving a message that says "Donna, I love you" is further proof that Mr. "I Went to Harvard and Yale" is an idiot.

59\. Woke up early with a clear plan regarding how to convince the world that I am not sexually involved with my boss.

60\. Stopped by health club before work. Told Jamie I'd like to meet her boyfriend's roommate sometime.

THE END


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